Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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