when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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