Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
