I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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