i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
