"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
