We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
