i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
