I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
how drunk are you?
Several
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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