Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
