Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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