Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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