Me too!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need a beard to bite.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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