i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont even know how to be here
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
