there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
