My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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