i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
