haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
