My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize