walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
