I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
