I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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