no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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