Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
