I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
