I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
