I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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