fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
