Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
