thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
