cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
