his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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