I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
