so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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