do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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