Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
