My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
