roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
