I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
