He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
