isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize