u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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