I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A bitchslap is in order.
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