I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
