she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
