I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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