How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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