I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
