its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize