Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
