these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my liver is dry heaving
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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