i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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