My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still dying that you shit outside
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
