the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
