I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
