well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
