Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
