So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
