i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
