Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
