their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize