dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
