I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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