found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
