I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize