I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
