Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
