I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well you can't waste a boner
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
