You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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