im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize