I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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