sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
