Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
