there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
