That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
